Jumbled Thoughts on “Feminine Charm”


Often I see a lot of people think and act like they have this aura surrounding them that draws anyone and everyone in, a specific charm which usually leads to benefits for them. Now, I notice this happening in males and females, but from my life experiences (or what I can recall right now), I have known more females to do this. 

Recently, I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw a status update by one of my girl friends. She posted something along the lines of how she ordered a small coffee at Dunkin Donuts and got a large instead. Yes, it happens to everyone (or most people) at some point in their life. It’s something that has even happened to my bestfriend and I plenty of times, along with discounts, especially at places like Dunkin. We thought nothing of it. But what intrigued me was the comments on that status. One of her relatives, I think her mother actually, posted a comment asking if my friend winked at the cashier to get it. In my mind I was thinking, “oh parents always say things like that, it’s normal” so just like with the status, I thought nothing of it. But this friend’s reply is what baffled me a bit and what caused this spur of thoughts to jumble up and come out. She commented along the lines of how the cashier was a woman, but there was a guy at the other end of the counter waiting for his drink. According to my friend, he kept staring at her and then she proceeded to write that she thinks he whispered something about her to the lady making her drink. Finally, she ends her comment saying how she decided she will act mildly confused and then leave once she got her coffee. 

I’m sorry, but just because there was someone, opposite sex or not, at the same place waiting to get their drink and just so happened to look at you and “whisper to the lady making coffee” does not mean they had you in their mind and were telling the worker about how you should get a certain size of coffee. I am 98.4% positive that the situation was just in her mind, and the lady making her coffee made it by mistake, especially since there were other people waiting to get their drinks and she’s probably dealing with a drive-thru. It could have also been one of those Dunkin happy hours, where you pay for a small but get any size you want, and the lady decided to be nice and give a large. There are many possible factors in a workplace like that, but the situation she is describing is on the far end of the possibility spectrum. 

After this status, I recalled her posting something similar a few weeks ago. Indeed she did. Earlier in life, she updated her status telling everyone how the Dunkin Donuts guy gave her a discount, just because of her feminine charm. Again, I was kind of baffled that people actually think this way. Numerous times, my sister, bestfriends, and I have gotten discounts or even different sizes than what we originally ordered. We never thought it was the guy who was looking over at us while waiting for his coffee, nor did we ever bask in the glory of our “feminine charm.” Anyway, one of her relatives also commented on this status saying something about how if it was because of her charm, they’re surprised she didn’t get the whole order free instead. Yep. It is now confirmed that relatives, or at least hers, say things like this each time. No big deal. 

Moving on from this particular friend, I started remembering my old friend back from when I was still in high school. She said flirting came naturally to her and she easily charmed people. At lunch, there would never be a day where she didn’t mention something about a guy “hitting on her,” “asking to hang out but she rejected,” or “staring her down” and etc. Mind the fact that she was in a long-term relationship. I kind of disregarded all these statements, because she said she was kind of over her relationship and was thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend. I was thinking that she was maybe using this as a method of totally getting over her boyfriend and possibly meeting new potential boyfriends. As time went on, and more similar stories came out of her, I started noticing my good guy friend (which I have known since elementary school) and her were getting into each other. Eventually, she broke off her long-term relationship with her previous boyfriend and a week later, made her new relationship with my guy friend official. I was happy for them (because they were two of my very good friends, how could I not be happy!?) and the mentions of random guys trying to get it with her stopped. I came to the conclusion that she maybe said all those things just to make my guy friend jealous and sort of crave to be with her. It was the only explanation that made sense to me and everyone else at the lunch table, since whenever we hung out with her in school or outside of school, no guys approached her or even really made longer-than-necessary eye contact with her (unless all of us are guy repellents and every male magically flocks to her once we leave). But after a few weeks, she started up with the stories again. Almost every single day at lunch, she would tell everyone about how some guy wanted to give her a ride home, or some guy flirted with her and asked her to a movie that night, or how random dudes would look at her and try to touch and flirt with her. At this point, it seemed like she was just recycling the same stories she’s told before, and normally I would ignore it as usual and continue eating my lunch. But this time, something felt off. I realized that my good guy friend that she was in an apparently loving relationship with, was sitting right next to her having to listen to all of this. After days and days of these stories about other guys noticing his girlfriend, I’d notice his expression shift. Sometimes he’d even look at her and his expression looked like he wanted her to stop or like he was asking her “..really?” while she continued with full confidence and a maximum ego. I also wasn’t the only person who noticed at the table; all the rest of us noticed and have even tried mentioning it before. Honestly, I felt kind of bad for my guy friend. Eventually, after a long long while, her stories stopped. But after she got a real grip on him, I haven’t heard anything from either of them (especially since she got full control of his life and communications also. I hardly know them anymore.. But that’s a story for another day). 

Whoa, sorry. This turned into a novel. Basically, I have noticed that from my experiences girls like to take their “charm” a little too seriously, and think that in return they get everything simply because they’re feminine. But, what exactly IS feminine charm? What is it about this charm that makes you so special, and other women not? I’m female, but why don’t I nor do my best friends have these thoughts or voice them out to everyone we know if something this small happens? We’re all women, and most of us, if not all, have this feminine charm. But just because someone happens to look at us, ask us a question, or we get a discount on coffee at happy hour like everyone else, doesn’t mean we should submerge ourselves in this never-ending charm and put ourselves on a pedestal while telling everyone about our glorious femininity. 

Sorry not sorry. Good damn bye.


Not Everyone Is Beautiful



Mindless Productivity

Every two or three days, I see an article or blog post or forwarded inspirational quote about beauty. It’s usually something affirming like

“You are beautiful, whether you know it or not.”

“We are all beautiful.”

“Everyone is beautiful to somebody.”

It’s cheerful stuff. It builds the self-esteem, makes people feel valued, and spreads joy and happiness across the internet.

It’s also bullshit.

angry face enraged

And you know it’s bullshit, because you really wanted to laugh at that picture.

Everyone is not beautiful. Some people have tumors the size of a second head growing out of their ears. Some people have skin like the Michelin man. Some people lose fingers, legs, or eyes in horrific assembly-line machine accidents. People have warts and blemishes and hair loss and dead teeth and lazy eyes and cleft palates and third nipples and unibrows.

There are plenty of people that are not physically appealing to look at, the…

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16 Things We Forget To Thank Our High School Friends For


Thought Catalog

1. The fact that no matter how much time or distance separates you, you always return back home to laugh about the same dumb things that you’re pretty sure only you guys find funny.

2. Being the only people to truly have as much hometown pride as you do, even when you’re hometown is less than noteworthy. You made the best of it, and it holds a really special place in your heart, in all it’s ghetto, middle-of-nowhere, slightly trashy, ultimately endearing glory.

3. All the long and posed Photo Booth sessions from which you got some of your best profile pictures from.

4. Staying with you through that one heartbreak that you made much too big a deal over, with that one person who you are absolutely humiliated to say you ever even liked, let alone dated. They know. They were there. They hung around anyway.

5. Befriending our parents on…

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And He Learned


Read this. Really read this.

Rethink the Rant

When he noticed the naked little girl at the beach didn’t look quite like he did and asked why, they answered his questions in simple phrases painted in black and white, pink and blue, and tradition. And he learned that boys and girls were different.

When one of the neighbor kids painted his nails, they got angry. That wasn’t something boys did. And he learned that there were different rules for boys and girls, and that breaking those made people upset.

When he was handed down a pink bike from his cousin, they replaced it with a blue one, because they didn’t want him to be mocked for having a “girly” bike. And he learned that being girly was something to be mocked.

When he cried, they told him to be a man. And he learned that crying, and being not a man, was something less.

When he was being picked…

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