Jumbled Thoughts on “Feminine Charm”


Often I see a lot of people think and act like they have this aura surrounding them that draws anyone and everyone in, a specific charm which usually leads to benefits for them. Now, I notice this happening in males and females, but from my life experiences (or what I can recall right now), I have known more females to do this. 

Recently, I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw a status update by one of my girl friends. She posted something along the lines of how she ordered a small coffee at Dunkin Donuts and got a large instead. Yes, it happens to everyone (or most people) at some point in their life. It’s something that has even happened to my bestfriend and I plenty of times, along with discounts, especially at places like Dunkin. We thought nothing of it. But what intrigued me was the comments on that status. One of her relatives, I think her mother actually, posted a comment asking if my friend winked at the cashier to get it. In my mind I was thinking, “oh parents always say things like that, it’s normal” so just like with the status, I thought nothing of it. But this friend’s reply is what baffled me a bit and what caused this spur of thoughts to jumble up and come out. She commented along the lines of how the cashier was a woman, but there was a guy at the other end of the counter waiting for his drink. According to my friend, he kept staring at her and then she proceeded to write that she thinks he whispered something about her to the lady making her drink. Finally, she ends her comment saying how she decided she will act mildly confused and then leave once she got her coffee. 

I’m sorry, but just because there was someone, opposite sex or not, at the same place waiting to get their drink and just so happened to look at you and “whisper to the lady making coffee” does not mean they had you in their mind and were telling the worker about how you should get a certain size of coffee. I am 98.4% positive that the situation was just in her mind, and the lady making her coffee made it by mistake, especially since there were other people waiting to get their drinks and she’s probably dealing with a drive-thru. It could have also been one of those Dunkin happy hours, where you pay for a small but get any size you want, and the lady decided to be nice and give a large. There are many possible factors in a workplace like that, but the situation she is describing is on the far end of the possibility spectrum. 

After this status, I recalled her posting something similar a few weeks ago. Indeed she did. Earlier in life, she updated her status telling everyone how the Dunkin Donuts guy gave her a discount, just because of her feminine charm. Again, I was kind of baffled that people actually think this way. Numerous times, my sister, bestfriends, and I have gotten discounts or even different sizes than what we originally ordered. We never thought it was the guy who was looking over at us while waiting for his coffee, nor did we ever bask in the glory of our “feminine charm.” Anyway, one of her relatives also commented on this status saying something about how if it was because of her charm, they’re surprised she didn’t get the whole order free instead. Yep. It is now confirmed that relatives, or at least hers, say things like this each time. No big deal. 

Moving on from this particular friend, I started remembering my old friend back from when I was still in high school. She said flirting came naturally to her and she easily charmed people. At lunch, there would never be a day where she didn’t mention something about a guy “hitting on her,” “asking to hang out but she rejected,” or “staring her down” and etc. Mind the fact that she was in a long-term relationship. I kind of disregarded all these statements, because she said she was kind of over her relationship and was thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend. I was thinking that she was maybe using this as a method of totally getting over her boyfriend and possibly meeting new potential boyfriends. As time went on, and more similar stories came out of her, I started noticing my good guy friend (which I have known since elementary school) and her were getting into each other. Eventually, she broke off her long-term relationship with her previous boyfriend and a week later, made her new relationship with my guy friend official. I was happy for them (because they were two of my very good friends, how could I not be happy!?) and the mentions of random guys trying to get it with her stopped. I came to the conclusion that she maybe said all those things just to make my guy friend jealous and sort of crave to be with her. It was the only explanation that made sense to me and everyone else at the lunch table, since whenever we hung out with her in school or outside of school, no guys approached her or even really made longer-than-necessary eye contact with her (unless all of us are guy repellents and every male magically flocks to her once we leave). But after a few weeks, she started up with the stories again. Almost every single day at lunch, she would tell everyone about how some guy wanted to give her a ride home, or some guy flirted with her and asked her to a movie that night, or how random dudes would look at her and try to touch and flirt with her. At this point, it seemed like she was just recycling the same stories she’s told before, and normally I would ignore it as usual and continue eating my lunch. But this time, something felt off. I realized that my good guy friend that she was in an apparently loving relationship with, was sitting right next to her having to listen to all of this. After days and days of these stories about other guys noticing his girlfriend, I’d notice his expression shift. Sometimes he’d even look at her and his expression looked like he wanted her to stop or like he was asking her “..really?” while she continued with full confidence and a maximum ego. I also wasn’t the only person who noticed at the table; all the rest of us noticed and have even tried mentioning it before. Honestly, I felt kind of bad for my guy friend. Eventually, after a long long while, her stories stopped. But after she got a real grip on him, I haven’t heard anything from either of them (especially since she got full control of his life and communications also. I hardly know them anymore.. But that’s a story for another day). 

Whoa, sorry. This turned into a novel. Basically, I have noticed that from my experiences girls like to take their “charm” a little too seriously, and think that in return they get everything simply because they’re feminine. But, what exactly IS feminine charm? What is it about this charm that makes you so special, and other women not? I’m female, but why don’t I nor do my best friends have these thoughts or voice them out to everyone we know if something this small happens? We’re all women, and most of us, if not all, have this feminine charm. But just because someone happens to look at us, ask us a question, or we get a discount on coffee at happy hour like everyone else, doesn’t mean we should submerge ourselves in this never-ending charm and put ourselves on a pedestal while telling everyone about our glorious femininity. 

Sorry not sorry. Good damn bye.


I quit.


Let me just start off by saying that considering a bunch of things that I’ve been through, I’ve been a pretty positive and optimistic person most of my life. I never really let anything affect me THAT much. But as I get older and notice this happening more often, it’s really starting to put a damper on my esteem. Why am I always the option? And not even the first option, I’m like second or third. It’s getting really annoying. I don’t think I’ve ever actually been liked (well my friend has told me he liked me but he was already in a relationship with my other friend, so again proving that he chose her in the end anyway). Whenever I feel a guy is even semi-interested in me and I’m interested in him, I hope he doesn’t meet my friends. It’s weird when I say it like that but I don’t know how to exactly describe it. Maybe you’ll understand after my rambling rant.
So I’m basically sick of being second place when it comes to my friends and I with guys. I’m always overlooked and they end up being more interested in my friends. After it’s been happening over and over, it’s really starting to bother me. Like, I can be talking to a guy and we’ll be hitting it off, then any if my friends join in even just to say hi to me and I could literally feel the rejection being put on me by the guy. Next thing I know, I’m ‘ghost-third-wheeling’ since they’ll be hitting it off and talking about everything that I can’t relate to or have an input on. It’s like they planned this and do it on purpose. It honestly fucking annoys me. I feel like complete worthless shit after. I already know I’m ugly. I know I don’t have a perfect body with a great cleavage and a big butt shaped to perfection. But I do know that I’m nice, funny, and interesting. I’ve been told I add enthusiasm and positivity and light up whoever I’m talking to, which I’ve noticed before too. And because of my personality, most people are shocked to find out that I’ve never dated, because ‘oh but you’re such an amazing person, how could anyone not love being around you?’ Well, you tell me.
Okay story time. Kind of.
I like a guy for years. I find out I’ve just been an option whenever there’s no one better. Whatever. I meet a guy and like him on and off for about a year, people even shipped us together sometimes (still unfortunately do) and I found out I was also an option after everyone else rejected him. Instead he liked my best friend (which, actually who wouldn’t like her, she’s gorgeous and hilarious with a good body. I don’t blame him.) But I still felt pretty bad. There were other factors involved with that though. I start talking to a guy from my class, we laugh and have a good time for a few weeks now while waiting for class. My friend joins one day, I get totally ignored and they talk about their interests and stuff that I shut out purposely cause I was so sick of it. Like fucking seriously? I am sooo sorry if I don’t like The Hobbit like you do, so that automatically means I’m a boring, uninteresting and quiet person because I can’t really say much about the movies? COOL. Ever since then I’ve just felt me being ignored by him everytime she was nearby. So whatever. I’m just glad I didn’t get myself in too deep with this one like the others.
So anytime this topic would come up, people would tell me to get uglier friends. That was too late since all my friends in highschool were actually pretty and I was this ugly piece of crap. But once I got to college, I made some friends. I wouldn’t call them pretty, but I wouldn’t call them super ugly. I was finally either equal in looks or a little bit above when with them. But what has been happening? The same thing. Is it because I have no talent? I honestly have no idea what else it could be. So.. I quit. I should just automatically hate everyone and reject everyone that comes my way (lol yeah like I have anyone to actually reject ha ha ha nice joke).
Okay, I don’t even know what this post turned into. I basically started raging out nonsense after like the 7th sentence. I just needed to get my thoughts out, no matter how confusing and jumbled they are. If you read up to this point, congrats, you deserve to feel awesome because you’re probably a lot more awesome and wanted than I’ll ever be. *sighs*